| Thursday, May 14th, 2009 |
| 10:46 am |
10 Commandments of the Club
10 Commandments of the Club By CJ This is just a collection of experiences and observations I’ve collected over the past 5 years or so. Somebody’s probably already written these out somewhere. It seems that as I get older and more experienced these rules just get more distinct. 1. You’re the shit. You’re that cool. Dudes should be able to clearly smell you coming; women should be waiting for you to talk to them with some toilet paper and a big smile. Look it, smell it, talk it, walk it and even if it’s not the case believe it. 2. Do plan on coming back and choose actions that will make you welcome back. People respect a person that gets a lot of love and respect in the club and this can’t be built sturdily in one night. Find a place and keep going. 3. Do choose high traffic areas and make eye contact with as many women as possible, even for a second. Look for a woman who’s eyes linger on yours, take note of her and make an effort to talk to her before the nights done. 4. Don’t stand alone away from people. That’s just creepy. 5. Do drink enough to be sociable and charismatic. The loosening of inhibitions is good for exposing some of the hopefully cool sides of your personality that you don’t show on a regular basis and that’s a good thing! 6. Don’t drink too much and be the drunken douche in the club. Talking to people and chilling is cool. Mumbling incoherently at people and not being able to move is not cool. (I struggle to control this one.) 7. Do make friends with as much of the club staff as you can meet. It makes things easier for you in the long run. It’s always good for the DJ to recognize you and for the bouncers to know you. 8. Tip like you mean it. Remember you want to come back at some point. The bartenders knowing you by face is a good thing. Generally a good cash tip at the beginning of the night is good enough to get you great service all night long if this is your first time at the club. 9. Be respectful to women but don’t pander to them. Don’t be too much of an asshole and if you are an asshole at least make her laugh about it. Don’t be the dude that’s buying her and all of her friends’ drinks with no hope of going home with any of them, that’s just sad. If you’re there with a group that includes women, reserve watching purses for only the very best of your female friends. Remember you’re on a mission; you have a purpose and watching a purse while your female friend is out doing something is counter productive to what you’re trying to accomplish. 10. NEVER get desperate, wait for the end of the night and try to pick up the drunk chick. Really that’s dumb and can only lead to bad things. Trying to pick up a girl that’s looking at you cross-eyed is a huge mistake. If at the end of the night you’re still alone with no numbers just reflect on the fact that you had a good night out with friends and try again the next week. |
| Sunday, June 17th, 2007 |
| 9:48 pm |
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| Sunday, May 13th, 2007 |
| 11:00 pm |
Hello and Happy Mothers Day!!
Happy mothers day folks! Another one rolls by. I gotta say, mothers are amazing people. The older I get and the more chances I get to do stupid shit and the more I realize that mothers are some of the only people that love you for who you are, unconditionally, regardless of who we are or what we become. A man like me can appreciate that. Still I have to say that we dropped the ball a little bit this year, or maybe we’ve never picked the ball up. The men in my family don’t do much of anything, and yes I’m including myself in that equation. Well we men can do two things. We can grill stuff and fry stuff. We’re men, we take food outside and put it over fire!!! Food good! So that’s about all we got to. Uncle Ike grilled on Saturday I fried a turkey today. The women made all the sides, set the tables, washed the dishes so on and so fourth. I say all that to say the only women that were truly pampered today were the oldest women in the family. The 70+ club. You see I belong to one of those old fashioned families where the women do everything. I mean, if I look hungry and there’s a female relative of mine in the kitchen she’s going to ask me if I want her to fix me a plate. Now I don’t go to these Lilith fairs. I most certainly don’t have my finger on the pulse of the feminist movement but I really don’t care for a woman to fix my plate. I admit the reasons are totally selfish, I just find that anytime you let someone else fix your plate they tend to give you food that they want you to have instead of food that you actually want. I think that’s one of my fears about bringing a woman home to meet my family. She may immediately start cursing me out just because I’m associated with such things. That is, unless she comes from a similar background as me, at which point I’d be inviting another woman in my life to try to put stuff on my plate that I don’t want to eat. There is no hope. At any rate I hope every lady here has had a happy mothers day. Yall have a nice night. Current Mood:  contemplative |
| Tuesday, March 20th, 2007 |
| 1:19 pm |
Messing with Shadowweasle
shadowweasle(11:51:17 AM): afk bathroom CJ3asy(11:51:36 AM): I hope everything comes out alright. shadowweasle(12:36:50 PM): oh it did shadowweasle(12:36:52 PM): it did CJ3asy(12:38:22 PM): Took a while didn't it? shadowweasle(12:38:26 PM): no shadowweasle(12:38:31 PM): I just went a second time CJ3asy(12:47:51 PM): ah. shadowweasle(12:50:05 PM): yes shadowweasle(12:50:07 PM): be in shock shadowweasle(12:50:12 PM): I can sense your fear CJ3asy(12:51:00 PM): King CJ fears nothing. shadowweasle(12:51:12 PM): King of the rubber vaginas CJ3asy(12:51:23 PM): Great Ceasar CJ. shadowweasle(12:51:37 PM): Ceaser of rubber vaginas CJ3asy(12:53:33 PM): Ceasar of all he surveys. shadowweasle(12:54:13 PM): which is a feild of rubber vaginas CJ3asy(12:55:34 PM): First off its Silicone CJ3asy(12:55:42 PM): secondly all of them fear my bananna hammock CJ3asy(12:55:47 PM): and the secrets it holds shadowweasle(12:56:08 PM): lmao |
| Wednesday, February 7th, 2007 |
| 12:28 am |
Ramos: dude you just got paid today from having -3 bucks in your account last night... you have a problem.... Ramos: call the EAP CJ: I did things right. CJ: I paid all my bills, made sure I procured new cell phone service Juan paid for my indian Ramos: doesnt matter, you have a problem CJ: I used a free ticket to get in the joint I drank a beer for free with the ticket I took out 40 bucks and I have 25 CJ: Well yeah I do but thats neither here nor there. CJ: I'm a functioning alcoholic and I'm a functioning porn addict. Ramos: lol CJ: when I start taking days off to go to strip clubs then you can say I have a seirous problem Ramos: nooo I can already say you have one Ramos: others will agree CJ: Well.. CJ: others are poopy heads CJ: Thats my story and I'm sticking to it. Ramos: thats real grown up CJ CJ: :) |
| Sunday, January 28th, 2007 |
| 9:44 pm |
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| 8:37 pm |
So true So true
 It is my lot in life to be that guy. I humbly offer my eyes in service to all the great women out there. Use me as you will. |
| Monday, January 8th, 2007 |
| 10:11 am |
Woo. Life is weird sometimes. 7 hours of strip club debauchery and a day later I’m 50 bucks overdrawn. There are 4 stages to coping with this. 1. Freak out – I’m going to do it. It may not be for long but I’m going to freak the fuck out get mad, everything. 2. Accept responsibility – Everything that happens in my life, good or bad, is a direct result of a choice I’ve made. I’ve been using that since before I knew it was a Buddhist principle. 3. Evaluate the problem and make a plan for moving past it 4. Implement said plain. Yep that’s about it. Now I still had to deal with the aftermath. A long talk with my mother about my porn addiction. I really never thought it was an addiction but I guess that could be a fair assertation to the outside eye. I do spend a lot of time and money in strip clubs and establishments like it. I thought about it and compromised, if I don’t actually learn from this experience and I do this same stupid crap again then I’ll call it an addiction and maybe seek help. Maybe.. So I’m still working on my resume, looking for gainful employment. The best time to job search is when you have one right? I’ve come to realize that I’ve never worked hard for anything in my life. Even when what I was doing could be classified as working hard I liked what I was doing so it didn’t seem like work. If I was ever in the situation where I felt that I was working hard I’d start to not care about if I actually attained the result.. I don’t know if that makes any sense.. I’d basically start not caring about weather I achieved the goal or not. I don’t know if that’s bad or good. I’ve fallen a lot in life but I’ve always landed on my feet. I’ve got this blind, naive child-like faith that everything’s going to be ok at the end of the day, that even when the bad stuff in life happens that I can just wait for the good crap. I’m starting to think that life doesn’t really work that way sometimes. Whatever. So now I guess I’m going to do some pushups, hop in the shower, transfer enough money from the credit union to float me until the payday advance goes through and then go to work. And this too shall pass. |
| Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007 |
| 8:16 pm |
JE: casse wan't sto know why cj softserve and dirty sancez are in your nick name CJ: Because my friends are sick sexual deviants and like to give me weird names. JE: good answer CJ: lol CJ: I have and never will give a woman a CJ softserve. JE: a man? CJ: definately not a man JE: would you serve them in a car? JE: would you serve them wherever you are? JE: would you serve them in a plane JE: would you serve them on a train CJ: you've just bastardized Dr. Suess in ways that I'd never relate to another human being JE: you will not serve them CJ I am? CJ: Please stop. The cat in the hat crys. |
| Sunday, December 24th, 2006 |
| 11:53 pm |
Merry Christmas
So I havn't posted much lately yes I do know I'm a bastard. Spent two days straight surrounded by nothing but family.. God help me. My uncle gave me 50 bucks for Christmas and I think I need to make my way to the strip club with it. All my little cousins, nieces and nephues are at my grandmothers house and I just had to evacuate because it was too damn loud at 11:30pm. I love them to death but good lord.. Even through all the noise and the company and the cleaning I've found my calm. My Coke is on chill and my Hennesy is in the closet like R. Kelly.. or Richard Simmons soooo Peace and goodwill to all (wo)men and all that shyte. To all my LJ friends, RL friends and friends I've lost contact with, wherever you are have a Merry Christmas. Much Love, C.J. |
| Sunday, November 19th, 2006 |
| 5:01 pm |
There are no more Heros
Likely just another publicity stunt. But, it was reported by various popular media outlets such as contactmusic.com and wenn.com, that former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson has agreed to become a male escort for legendary Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss.
It was reported that an agreement was reached for Tyson to work in Fleiss' new legalized brothel for women in Nevada. Fleiss has bought 60 acres of land in Nevada and work is scheduled to begin on Heidi's Stud Farm.
"I told him, 'You're going to be my big stallion.' "It's every man's fear that their girlfriend will go for Mike Tyson," Fleiss said.
Rumors were going around about Tyson hooking up with Fleiss a few months ago, and Tyson did not exactly deny the rumors.
"I don't care what any man says, it's every man's dream to please every woman - and get paid for it," Tyson said.
I admit it, he was a childhood hero before the whole rape thing. I mean he has a Nintendo game.. a Nintendo game for Gods sake. Ah well. Maybe he can be my hero again in a more Ron Jeremyish way. |
| Thursday, September 14th, 2006 |
| 9:47 am |
Diet Done
For those of you who don’t know I’ve been on an experimental diet for the last 3 months. Doctors visits, days where I can only eat fruit.. 3 months. A whole 3 months. I had to loose 18 lbs. I had eaten nothing but fruit since Sunday, mostly grapefruit and watermelon I couldn’t drink either. I was hungry in my soul this morning.. today was the last day, I weighed in this morning. I lost 23 lbs. I was so happy but hungry. I came home and cooked breakfast. I wanted food. This was no ordinary breakfast, no eggs and toast here. No for breakfast today I had Oxtails and rice.. The tail is the juiciest tinderest part of the cow and these were stewed with potatoes and onions.. and I made a big pot of rice.. Yes people FAT GREASY RED MEAT and CARBS.. its what’s for breakfast. I’m so content now. Tomorrows my 24th birthday. I’m going to Orlando and Tampa for some good old drinking women and debauchery. Going all out this weekend. Its party time. Everybody have a great weekend I know I will. Peace. Quote “Women and money, if god made anything better he kept it secret” – Sunshine Ace from Idlewild. I find that so true. |
| Saturday, September 9th, 2006 |
| 2:47 am |
Mundane post * I hate that crap*
Sooo where should I start last night Couldn't wait on frit day anymore had a shot of Sake straight after 12. Still couldn't go to sleep. Knew I had to be up at 5:30. I tried not to have to rub one off but I did at about 2:30.. oh well. Today Got up at 5:45 cooked breakfast got ready went to the gym worked out with Ant. Went to work..did work shit left work. My nephue called. I picked him up we went to Walmart I bought a game for us to play, checked to see if the gocart place was still closed. I beat him at every game I have. Went to Josh's, waited for Juans ass to get ready went to the club. Beautiful curly brown haired girl there her friend took off her bra.. got flashed.. didn't get with it.. I always sell myself short went to the strip club talked to strippers got 2 lapdances from "vixen" even though I know her name it was all love in the club Juan and Josh bought me lapdances had a great fucking time. Now I'm home now.. drinking my henny straight.. gonna rub one off and try to go to sleep at 3 something.its come full circle.. peace |
| Tuesday, September 5th, 2006 |
| 11:31 pm |
God's probably going to punnish me for this.
[21:38] Gab: what was that link u sent me yesterday [23:20] Me: Steve Erwin [23:21] Me: and his death at the fins of the most vicious fish in the high seas [23:23] Gab: yeah so i heard lol [23:24] Me: He will be missed [23:24] Me: nobody else could jump on an animals back and stick his thumb in its ass like Steve [23:25] Gab: god bad. lol ur so weird [23:26] Me: He did that to piss the animals off and give us a better show [23:26] Me: You never wondered why they were so pissed? [23:27] Me: But it made for good entertaining TV.. He was selfless in his ... um.. vicious animal thumbing. [23:28] Gab: i never watched the show [23:29] Me: .... you are an insensitive bastard. [23:29] Me: That man DIED pissing animals off so you can have good entertainment. [23:29] Gab: on that note im going to sleep now. night [23:29] Me: Next time you see a rerun you watch it [23:29] Me: you watch it and think about what you've done.. or neglected to do.. [23:29] Me: bastard.. |
| Thursday, August 31st, 2006 |
| 11:20 pm |
A little chat with the king o frogs
Clarence33: Juan told me my second birthday present came in!! shadowweasle: yup shadowweasle: it is quite awesome my friend Clarence33: he also aluded to the fact that I could love it in a dirty way shadowweasle: well that is your choice man shadowweasle: as I am sure you love most of your things in a dirty way Clarence33: oh I posted in LJ and Juan said he read it and he didn't get the line I wrote when I said "I was about to whip my cock out and finnish them like my name was Juan" Clarence33: he totally forgot about that Clarence33: they all did.. bastards shadowweasle: lol Clarence33: he thought I was praising me he said.. he thought I was saying he was dominant shadowweasle: AHHHAHAHA shadowweasle: you are Juans bitch shadowweasle: so where do you want it? Clarence33: ..... Clarence33: dude Clarence33: ... where do I want what.. lets start with that. shadowweasle: yeah where do you want it? Clarence33: if you're waiting for me to say "In the poop shoot" or "Right there in mr brown starfish" its not gonna happen shadowweasle: no shadowweasle: I mean your gifts man....... [17:59] shadowweasle: wtf [17:59] Clarence33: ooooh [17:59] Clarence33: well [17:59] Clarence33: um [18:00] Clarence33: this is ackward [18:00] shadowweasle: yes [18:00] shadowweasle: it is |
| 5:43 pm |
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| Wednesday, August 30th, 2006 |
| 11:30 pm |
Its a conspiracy.
All I want is a Super Nintendo Mini. I used to have one but now a friend girl who I thought was a girlfriend but who was in actuality the crusher of my soul, has it and I don't even have her number anymore to ask for my stuff back. Its ridiculously priced everywhere so I've enlisted the help of ebay... oh lordy. I've been beaten 3 times already. The time before this one some dirty mofo beat me out in the last minute of the auction. This pisses me off. So I've bid and I put a good 15 dollars over everyone elses bid and I'm happy with it and it sits like that overnight and I'm still the high bidder this morning.. then.. then someone outbids me. "HAHA" I think. "This fool outbids me a full 14 minutes before the end of the auction" I think... so I grab a beer and wait 13 minutes so I can pull the dirty shit that people have been pulling on me for the past week.. And I watch.. and I wait.. and I watch... and Finally its the final minute of the auction and I go to whip out my cock and finnish these mofos like my name is Juan... and all of a sudden when I push the bid button ebay logs me out... I'm now magically, mystically logged out of ebay. I panic I push the back button, nothing happens. I click on the link in my email, Page cannot be displayed. I go to ebay.com but can't seem to find the auction I've been bidding on for the past day and a half... I lose again.. Damn ebay.. damn it to hell. |
| Saturday, August 5th, 2006 |
| 4:15 pm |
Me and my mother have an odd relationship. My family has always placed a lot of value on money but my mother taught me at an early age to value it with her torturous methods. One of my earliest memories was getting my first 5 dollar bill from my grandfather. I left it somewhere intending to come back to it. I came back and it was gone. She had bought milk. First lesson, never trust anyone around your money. Another early memory was being given money to buy whatever I wanted, then being taken to toy stores but if my mother was keeping my money she and she alone dictated what I could and could not have even if I wanted to buy it desperately with my own money. This was a lesson in control. Now I’m an adult. We’re still at this game. There are areas of trust, her names on my bank account and I know every place she stashes money. Her philosophy is that I’ll never be able to pay the price for what I owe her so she’ll take what she wants when she wants it. My philosophy is I’ll never be able to pay the price for what I owe her so I won’t try and she’ll get nothing. So lines are drawn (She doesn’t rob me at the bank and I don’t rob her at home) and we engage in honorable warfare. No quarter asked none given. Most recently she got me for 170 dollars in cash but then I got her back for 90 dollars in goods. Cash is always worth more though. I know I’m going to win in the long run. I’m more cunning than her and way more devious in my tactics but right now I’m loosing any my finances are showing it. |
| Tuesday, August 1st, 2006 |
| 7:45 pm |
I hadn't immagined how much it would suck not to have Shadowwesle at arms length and harassable. Kinda sucks not being able to hang after work and really sucks at work. Noone left to keep it real with. Feh. Well um. Finnishing off my Hennesy bottle purely because I'm bored Cooking more ribs because I don't want them to go bad Its fricking tuesday. Nothing going on anywhere tonight |
| Sunday, July 30th, 2006 |
| 2:00 pm |
Since last time
Ok I'm more sober now eeeh. Points ok I'll do that. 1. No strip clubs for a month. Yeah I commited to that in June and I havn't been for the whole month of July. Pity me for I am sad. 2. Auditers come to my workplace. So since they had me do something that wasn't my core function and they couldn't tell the auditers I was forced to fabricate and lie. Gotta love outersourcers. Never been so stressed in my life. I hate lieing. I'm not good at it. 3. One day diet. Well I lost 12 lbs so far. Another 6 to go and I'm at 241 lbs and i get 1000 dollars. Everybody root me on. I'm under 30% bodyfat. I'm starting to look like a ball of muscle. 4. Women. Bad bad luck or no skills. Interacting with them when I'm sober is still ackward for me and I can be a straight asshole when I'm drunk. I'm thinking about accosting Ramos and Duane and forcing them to tell me thier secrets. 4. Smoking. I do it more. But I've moved to Winstons wich is pure tobacco and has none of the rat piss and uranium that addicts you to other ciggarets so I'm hoping to quit or at least slow down. 5. Drinking. Don't wanna stop. Its not that I like alcohol I just hate sobriety. 6. Me. Well I'm alright. All I have is work, friends and family but my friends and family are the most beautiful things in my life. |
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cj3asy's journal
